Thursday, December 23rd, 2010—Bar 347
Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010—Bar 347
Jet Rock Bar & Grill
Usually I write the opening for this right before I go to the bar. Well, I’m in Peoria, Illinois to spend Christmas with my parents and family so everything’s going to be just a little different for the next few days. Basically, I’ll be going to bars in the day, so I can do family stuff and see friends in the evening. Yesterday I had to fly out of LaGuardia Airport at 10am, which meant I had to be there around 8am and hope there was a bar open so I could sit there for an hour and have three drinks and then get on the plane and collapse. I’ve worked nights since 1985, so I keep Elvis hours, meaning I’m usually up till about 4 or 5am. So I didn’t get much sleep and dragged my sorry ass to the Jet Rock Bar & Grill and I guess what I’m getting to is today’s bar crawl is going to be a bit of a dud. I was the only one there and I was drinking triple vodka and orange juices since I hate to fly and always get schnockered before getting on the plane. After being thrown in the Boone County Jail in Cincinnati a few years ago for drunk and disorderly conduct (it’s a long story for those of you that have never heard it, one maybe I’ll tell later), I’ve learned to keep my big mouth shut and just stumble on to the plane. So that’s what I do. So here we go, I’ll try and do a better one tomorrow. Hey, I’m allowed a clinker now and again, right?
Oh and speaking of clinkers, I was so fucking tired and out of it, I forgot to bring my cell phone with me. And my parents don’t have internet access, so I can only check my email once a day when I’m out here at my brother’s putting this thing together, so those of you trying to get hold of me (you know who you are) you can call me at my parents house. No cell phone, no internet...I’m partying like it’s 1988 over here! Oooh, heaven is a place on earth...
I called for a car service to the airport and here we go. It stinks so bad in here and it's a weird smell. It's hard to describe, but it's not unlike Styrofoam that's been marinated in cat vomit for a fortnight or so. Oh and it's seven in the fucking morning. I don't like morning and I'm on the verge of throwing up. It's the most wonderful time of the year...my ass!
Welcome to LaGuardia...wasn't that Guns and Roses second single? Which leads me to wonder what the fuck ever happened to Izzy Stradlin. And it's too motherfucking early to be thinking about Izzy Stradlin. Where's the goddamn bar?
The Jet Rock Bar & Grill. Let's get this over with, I'm crabby.
Okay, this isn't off to a good start. The bartender refuses to have her picture taken and she tells me they can't serve booze till 8am. It's ten till eight, so I have a diet Coke and wait out the ten minutes. Did I mention it sucks in here? I hate morning. And it's even worse when you're sober.
Those booze bottles are taunting and laughing at me.
Here's a long shot of the bar. It's empty and it's morning. Not the best recipe for a bar crawl. I feel like I'm letting you all down! The shame, the shame!
Okay, this is kind of cool and one of my favorite Bob Dylan albums of all time. Right up there with "Blonde on Blonde."
Hey Bartender, it's 8am over here! Time to start boozing it up.
Alright, here we go! A triple vodka and orange juice. Three of these will get me in the right mood to fly. Cheers!
And here's drink number two, which is actually the equivalent of six drinks. Prepare for takeoff!
Condiments!
Attention catheter users: You're in an airport, get to a hospital!
Old catheters? You know when it comes to catheters, you really shouldn't try to skimp. Go nuts and use a new one, you only live once! And since you're on the catheter, you're time may be coming to a close, so it's time to fly first class.
I think there's even enough TV's in here for Gene! Too bad they keep playing catheter commercials on them.
Shit, I just looked at the clock and it was after nine, I gotta run and catch the plane.
Okay, through the magic of the internet you're spared me stumbling onto the plane and passing out and here we are in Chicago and the plane's on time.
The Cat hat is a clue that I'm near to Peoria.
Then suddenly...
P-E-O-R-I-A...Peoria! (Sung to the tune of Gloria.) Goodnight, everybody...err...good day...aahh, whatever.
Review
Uhh...I don’t know, this place is kind of like The Hard Rock Cafe’s retarded younger brother. Okay, I gotta go, I’m hoping today’s bar crawl will be a little better. I’d hate to lose my whole audience at the end of this thing!
Terminal C, LaGuardia Airport
23 Comments
Reader Comments (23)
Too bad that bartender wouldn't let you take her picture ... she looks shapely and cute from a distance. Oh well ... the Ipanema bartenders are somewhere off in the distance laughing ......
Brilliant under duress, as always. Sucked for you, Marty, but a great post for us!
Clinker my ass...your writing is at it's absolut best (absolut as in the vodka) when yer cranky and/or contemplating homicide! The Catapiller hat got me all nostalgic too, as I may have told you I spent my childhood in Peoria and Catapiller provided Peoria with it's lifeblood. Even though my old man worked for the 3M company, I remember the people I grew up with fell down on their knees and paid hommage to the great God Catapiller!
Hey Marty, you look pretty bad at the photos!! haha...
And don't worry, the next bar will be much better than this one!
@Gene: Hey Gene, I agree with you! The bartender look nice from a distance!
http://ny.eater.com/tags/a-beer-at
Stoned Crow story is spreading & spreading .......
Listen, I'm down with storing ketchup and mustard on the shelf if you're into that sort of thing, but mayonnaise?!?!?! That's just wrong. Not as wrong as using an old catheter, but wrong nonetheless. The drinks look stiff, but you can't have one til 8 AM. Lots of stuff to look at, but you have to sit with your ass hanging out into the aisle. I don't know - I'd guess I'd have to give the Jet Bar to eh's and a whatever. Better luck in Peoria, Marty! Glad you made it safely. Tell Ma and Pa Wombacher I said Merry Christmas - and I hope Santa brings you lots of good loot.
Definitely looked like you needed that drink. Early morning, airport and catheter commercials. That is quite a day. Hope you holiday gets better than that! And I have to agree with Biff. Even though I don't eat mayo, I'm pretty sure its supposed to be refrigerated people!
I think I saw you flip me off as you flew over.
Good early morning Crawl though.
It does play in Peoria as you've proven!
Merry Christmas to you and the entire Wombacher Clan.
Hope to catch up with you before the Crawl's end.
Home Stretch Daddio!
Your on that little commuter from Chicago to Peoria. No directs from LGA. Jet Bar is not the worst bar on the list,,,at least after a few triple vodkas.
No worries man, a lot of times the airport bars are a good change of pace for the blog and they always stir up interesting stories. You're next adventure should be about bars in different places; airports, beaches, subways, brothels, etc
@365: Let us down? Ha!
BEST. REVIEW. EVER.
That was a classic seeing you all grumpy and downing a triple vodka at 8am. Total pro. Great to see you mix it up now and again. What's the odds you trying to find a bar open on christmas day?
Wow check out Peoria!.....looks cold and sort of like an airport.
To Boozing up with family!
You write your best reviews when you're angry! Love it!
The equivalent of 9 drinks in an hour at 8AM?? You're a better man than me. Plus, I hardly ever drink when flying, as I don't want to also wind up in the Boone County jail for disorderly conduct, which would be highly likely if I was dealing with delays or asshole security keystone cops type security people.
PS: Thanks for the tip on Stoned Crow. Paid my last respects Wednesday night before meeting friends at Lederhosen (another place you've been to). Had a nice chat with the day manager, who said several people had stopped in as a result of your blog post.
Thanks and enjoy the holidays, looking forward to some reports from the wild wild midwest for a change.
What The Fuck , I go into your dept to wish you Happy Hoildays & your not even there , then I get this shit . fuck I am goiing to call your cellpone 365 time , so when you get back your going to have to erase 365 of my messages , Happy Hoilday Marty !!! OK I will just call your cell 347 times .
TO : Marty
damn...still up in the air 'bout the best post ever...i sorta envy the triple triple will have to try next three day bender i find myself on...MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER andMerry Christmas to all the crawlers and to all a goodnight...KOC
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oh yeah...free shipping...KOC
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Bar crawler on the run! Nice one, loved the fact that you can find humor in a catheter commercial at 8 in the morning while drinking triple vodkas! LOL!
Oddly enough, I've spent some quality time in that establishment. Safe travels, and happy Christmas.
@Everybody: Sorry I can't be more interactive with all of you, but my internet time is limited to about a half an hour every day while I'm here in Peoria. Thanks for following me to the bitter end for your nice comments. Happy holidays to you all!
"P-E-O-R-I-A...Peoria! (Sung to the tune of Gloria.)" I love it!!
wow what a mediocre review... im soo hurt.. great shot of that um how must i phrase long shot of the bar.... now if you kindly and simply turn your camera and oddly shaped head to right and snap that picture, you will be welcomed with 26 draft beers.. rather the 4-5 drafts you will see at figs. btw if the bartender does not want a picture of herself, dont snap the picture- huge invasion of privacy and space...we aint in Europe...... oh and boooohooo waaawaaa, have to wait 10 min. for a drink...cmon learn some damn patience... jet rock opens up at 7am, bartenders need time to prep the bar (aint easy to squeeze everything in one hour), other employees to tap kegs, and deliver the booze..... before you post a review think about the business aspect and service aspect... bluntly i had a great time at jet rock and didnt mind the 10 min. wait.
@ a person ........ this response is as timely as the drink wait at Jet Rock :(
@a person: A huge invasion of privacy and space? I took that photo because her hair was covering her face. This review was mostly done tongue in cheek, but I do prefer Figs to this place. To each their own.