Sunday January 17, 2010—Bar 7

Day Seven—Saturday, January 16th—La Vela (I originally was headed for Bourbon St.)

Alright, the seventh day! And they said I couldn’t do this. Actually I can’t wait until I get further into this because people I meet keep asking me how many bars I’ve been to and then they scoff when I tell them the low number. And I don’t like to be scoffed at!

On a non-scoff note, if you happened to notice I put up a “Donate” button over there on the right-hand side. I figured if you’re having a good time reading this, maybe you’d like to buy me a beer. Consider it a cover charge for the online bar crawl I’m providing. Well, already someone has donated, a fellow named Rich “Happy Cappy” Caposino! I used to work with Rich and he generously sent in 20 bucks today! Holy Fucking Moley! He must’ve hit the lottery, the last thing this guy bought for me was this shitty, motherfucking, piece of shit sandwich from Blimpie’s...well, I won’t go into that, because it’ll take the rest of the post and if you work with me, no doubt you’ve heard the story. But anyway, mucho thanks to Happy Cappy for tonight’s donation! Get here to the city some night, Cappy and join me on the bar crawl!

Speaking of the bar crawl, tonight I’m going to that Mardi Gras themed bar I was going to go to last night. It’s called Bourbon St. and it’s located on the Upper West Side. So let’s grab a subway car and hit the fucking road! (Oh, I got the picture below from their website, hopefully she’ll be bartending tonight!)

Here we are the 14th St. station headed towards the Upper West Side.

It's a little bit of a hike, but it's cheaper than a cab and probably quicker too.

This is our stop and how kind of the mitten woman to point it out. Thank you mitten woman! And they say New Yorkers are unfriendly. Peeeshaw!

Okay, here we are down in the bowels of the Manhattan Subway System. At least it's winter, in the summer there's always a humid urine stench in the air.

We're waiting for the express train which is just three stops to the Upper West Side, as opposed to...

The local train, which makes about 15 stops. I was half tempted to get on though, as sometimes you can wait forever for the express.

I was glad I resisted temptation because seconds later the express train showed up. Huzzah!

My brand new Doc Marten boots, resting casually on the subway car.

Crazy-guy self portrait on a subway car.

And before you know it, here we are at 72nd Street. I love the express train!

The Upper West Side is my old stomping ground, I lived here for four years when I moved here in 1993. I lived in the Beacon Hotel right next to the Beacon Theater. And thanks for the warning Beacon Theater!

And here's my old apartment. It's a hotel room now. I drank lots of Meister Brau in my economically challenged first year here in New York City.

Bill Maher once gave me the evil eye in this deli when I did a double take at him. Bill, you're a funny guy, but don't be such an asshole. If you don't want to get the double takes, get off the TV!

Apples!

This is a poster in a barber's window. Seriously, who in the fuck is going to say, "You know what, give me the number 24 look."

Okay, we're almost there.

Okay, here we are, the Bourbon St. bar. Hey, I'm a poet and don't know it. Okay, full disclosure here, I HATE going out on Saturday night's. It's the New Year's Eve night of the week and this place is packed and it'll be tough to try and talk to people. Fuck it, I passed a little Italian restaurant a few blocks earlier with a little bar up front and I'm going there instead. I'll try this place on a weeknight when it's not so crazy.

Here we are, the La Vela restaurant. An old school Italian joint, right down to the red checked table cloths.

However I'm here for beer and bartender Cris serves up an ice cold Peroni at the small bar in the front of the restaurant. Cris is also an accomplished DJ and you can reach him and find his facebook page through his email here: Cris_booking@hotmail.com

And dutifully I drink my first beer of the night. It was delicious!

The front bar is small, but well stocked. I think this will start a tradition of going to small, quiet, out of the way bars on Saturday nights.

Here's Cris and his co-worker, Mariya.

Balloons!

Cris' lovely girlfriend, Natalia showed up. The two of them were going to a party later where Cris was the DJ for the evening.

After the third Peroni it was time for a bathroom break.

So far the toilet's have been spotless everywhere I go. It makes me feel ashamed about the state of my own toilet at home. I need to bust out the Scrubbing Bubbles.

Obligatory bathroom mirror shot.

Beer number four and my work here is done. Thanks to Cris, Nataiie and Mariya for being great sports and good company on a quiet Saturday night.

And the best thing about the eveing? Right across from the subway station is the Upper West Side's Gray's Papaya hot dog stand.

Hot dog! And goodnight everybody! And mucho thanks again to Rich "Happy Cappy" Caposino for buying the drinks tonight!

Review

Okay, while I spent my time at the bar here, this is officially an old school Italian restaurant on the Upper West Side. I can’t comment on the food, because I didn’t eat there, but what I saw being served looked great. La Vela is a quiet place, perfect for a family dinner or a first date. They’ve got a full bar, a great selection of vino to compliment your Italian dinner and take out is also offered.

La Vela also serves a great lunch and hours are 12 pm to 11 pm Sunday through Thursday and Friday and Saturday they’re open till midnight. Outdoor dining is available when weather permits. And it’s a great place for a quiet quartet of Peroni’s on a Saturday night. Ciao!

La Vela
373 Amsterdam Ave  
(212) 877-7818

Saturday, January 16th—Bar 6

Day Six—Friday, January 15th—Jake's Saloon

Okay, since last night was a bit of a dud, I thought I’d go to this bar on the Upper West Side that has a Mardi Gras theme. But it turns out I have to work tomorrow and Sunday so I won’t be able to sleep in and leisurely put this post up tomorrow so there’s been a change of plans. There’s two bars on my way home from work that will be more convenient for me. I’m either going to this place called the Rogue or the joint I mentioned last night, The Limerick House. I’ll decide when I get there. Okay, time is of the essence so let’s move on.

Okay, I went by the Rogue and The Limerick House and they were packed with what appeared to be meatheads, so I walked a block over to 7th Avenue and found a place that seemed to have a nice vibe going. It’s called Jake’s Saloon and if it’s good enough for George Clooney and the fabulous babe he's with it’s good enough for me.

Jake's Saloon, tonight's watering hole.

It looks like a friendly crowd and I'm even flashed a peace sign (or is that a V for victory?) on my way in.

Steve and Matt show off my card and more importantly a bottle of Budweiser. When asked about daily specials, Steve told me, "If my hands touch it, it's special." Well, isn't THAT special!

And we're off!

Seated directly to my left are Taneem and Katie.

Steve oversees the action at the bar.

This bartender asked not to be photographed, so of course I had to take his photo. But I placed a bar over his eyes, as he told me he's wanted by the law. I ain't no stoolie!

Tucked away in a corner booth were Jackie, Gina and Joycie.

Booze!

Katie has stolen Taneem's hat and is performing a nose press on his cheek.

Four of the six TV's to be seen at Jake's.

And here's the other two.

Here I am with Dan, who was seated at the front of the bar along with...

His much better (than me) half, Joy.

Straws!

Here's John, Sarah and Sara (without an H.) John wanted to know if this was a Czechoslovakian porn site and was greatly disappointed when told it wasn't. Sorry John!

Sarah (with the H) takes a shot of me and John and Sara (without the H.) John shows off his Czechoslovakian porn moves.

Okay, time for the nightly bathroom break.

I tell you, I keep getting surprised at how clean all the toilets have been!

Hey...how the fuck did that get there?

Obligatory bathroom mirror shot!

One of the great features of Jake's Saloon is that right around the corner is the Chelsea Papaya hot dog stand!

Hot dog! And goodnight everybody!

Review

A fun little neighborhood getaway. The bartenders and wait staff are more than friendly and fun and the atmosphere is casual and loose. A large drink and beer menu is available along with the bar’s signature beer, Jake’s Tricky Ale. The music is piped in at just the right level and there’s a half a dozen large flat screen TV’s for you Sunday sports fans. They have a full lunch and dinner menu and on weekends the kitchen is open till two in the morning to satisfy your late night munchie needs. Takeout and delivery is also available.

Check out the website (below) for daily happy hour, lunch specials and how to plan your own party at Jake's Saloon.

Jake's Saloon
Jake’s on facebook
206 West 23rd Street (@7th Avenue)
New York, NY 10011
212.337.3100

Friday, January 15, 2010—Bar 5

Day Five—Thursday, January 14th, 2010—Butterfield 8

So I’m on a break at work and I’m tryng to figure out what bar to go to. There’s a bar on the way home called the Limerick House, but I did an Irish bar last night, so I started doing Google searches. One of the searches led me to a bar called the Butterfield 8. It turns out that Thursday it’s ladies night and women can drink for free from 9pm to 10pm. There’s a complimentary open bar for women for an entire hour and then half-priced drinks from 10pm to closing. The first thing I thought of was, “Hmmm...where can I get a vagina installed at this somewhat late hour of the evening?” Then I thought about tampons and yeast infections and the grooming involved, would I shave it? Have a landing strip? Maybe a faux hawk...and then I started to get a headache. But after swallowing an aspirin it dawned on me, there would probably be a barful of drunk women at the Butterfield 8 tonight! I wouldn’t have to install a vagina, I could just use someone else’s for awhile! I get off work at 11:30 pm and the bar is only about nine blocks away. I’ll be there before midnight and the place should be packed with my favorite kind of women: Seven sheets to the wind and drunk as a skunk with a bottle of krunk!

Okay, here we are, the Butterfield 8. Huh, there's two guys walking out. Oh well, all the more women's for me!

Hey, it's Girl's Night Out...so where are all the girls? Maybe they're all powdering their noses. I think I better get a beer.

Brian was manning the bar and dutifully served me up a bottle of Budweiser.

And here's my trademarked goofball shot of me drinking the aforementioned beer.

As I prowl the bar looking for women, I found this abandoned drink at a table in front. No women and abandoned drinks? The weirdness was starting to get to me.

Finally I found a woman, the lovely Jess. Although John had his arm clamped tightly around her, I took the picture and politely moved along.

I did find some more women, however they too were with other men. Left to right: Teddy Morissey, Kelly Carr, Alex Halpern and Elise Howarth. They all attend Boston College except for Teddy who goes to Syracuse University. Elise suggested I check out Boston for bars, and at this point I wholeheartedly agree with her. Maybe there's single women there. After meeting these fine and fun people, things got a little ugly for me as the few guys remaining in the bar refused to have their picture taken. There were three jocko-fratboy types I asked and one said to me, "No thanks, I'm straight." To which I replied, "Oh, so that's why you're at a ladies night out bar with two guys." He didn't like that and I feel this further alienated me from the other customers (one other guy) in the joint. Oh well.

A lonely table at the Butterfield 8.

Olives!

A self-portrait in my notepad.

Even the TV set is poisoned, it's Vince, the ShamWow hooker beater guy.

Might as well take the bathroom break, maybe things will liven up when I get back. I hate bathrooms that just have a symbol on the wall. Is it so tough to get a sign that says, "Men?" I really feel like pissing in the hallway.

The toilet's clean, but there's toilet paper laying around. Slobs!

Hey, how'd that get there?

Obligatory bathroom mirror shot.

When I get back to the bar it's completely empty!

The only one left was bartender Brian who asked if I would quit taking pictures. I told him I would, I don't blame him, who wants to be bartending at an empty bar with some freak taking pictures of it.

So I packed up my bag, caught a cab and had an Auntie Em moment saying, "There's no place like home" and "There's no beer like Budweiser," after opening up my refrigerator.

And while I didn't end up with anyone from the bar, two words will rectify that situation: "Online Porn." Woo hoo!

Review

Well, it was bound to happen, I hit a bar on an off night and not much hilarity ensued. It did teach me one lesson, bars are bars, it’s the people inside them that make them fun. And there wasn’t too many people here tonight. However, the music was decent, while there I heard “Purple Haze” by The Jimi Hendirx Experience and “We Will Rock You” by Queen amidst other classic rock/dance songs, they have a full bar and menu (Butterfield 8 is also a full service restaurant, see the website for more details) and Alex from the above quartet photo told me he’s been here on a Friday or Saturday night when it was a lot of fun. Well, I won’t be able to check back for over a year, but I’ll take his word for it.

Butterfield 8
5 East 38th St. (Between 5th Ave. & Madison Ave.)
212-679-0646